21 years ago, I booked my first SAG Commercial. It was my first job with 'speaking lines'. I'll never forget it. It was a monologue about how my mother always carried a Blue Cross Blue Shield Heath Care card wherever we went in case of an emergency. In case you havent figured it out it was a commercial for Blue Cross Blue Shield. I had the Flu. Thats what the clients and casting director did not know, the day of my audition. Back in those days, I would have shown up dead. Nothing could get in the way of an audition! I made it work no matter what. The by product of being really sick while acting is, something you feel so bad that you completely lose ego while working and end up giving the most honest performance of your life!, which is what happened. I delivered the monologue and I remember the older white guy whispering to a middle aged white lady "shes really good". Of course. The character is supposed to be sick and I really am. So I just decided to "be" instead of pretending to be. The title of this blog is Im Tired. Yeah, that was 23 years ago and I'm still...nevermind. People say you aint supposed to speak negative words into your life. Im not trying to, deliberately. All I'm saying is...a sista is tired. So, if you've pined away at a certain career and you are tired like me. Rest doesnt mean it's over. It just means you need to rest. Period. Thats it. When you are refreshed, continue to move forward. Burnout is real yall. I started acting when folks was still submitting black and white headshots. lol. The only social media was My Space and everybody had an email address @aol.com. I'm grateful for my journey however. I remember how excited I was to be an extra. A background player is just as important as a leading lady. Why? Background actors make the similated environment authentic. I packed up my suitcase and drug all my "changes" down to Central Casting in LA. They stood me up against a wall and snapped a photo of me like I had just been arrested. Nevermind the brand new headshots I just paid 400 dollars for. When on the set, the director yelled "background" and I very proudly crossed the street. At "cut. back to one" I went back to the opposite side of the street. You couldn't tell me nothing. I'm in the business now. lol No IMDB page. NO reels. NO union status. Barely any experience, except my training at Strasberg and the Blue Cross Blue Shield Commercial I believed Id win an Oscar for. What I did have was hunger. A very hungry actor on the set of the medical drama ER. No, I wasn't in the George Clooney scene. Early twenties. See, I wanna take a minute and discuss that word "Hunger". If you're anything like me, could it be that you need to stop eating for a while so that you can be hungry again and really appreciate the food when you get it? Resting. Taking a break. Allowing yourself to go without it for a year or two. Fast from your grind. Its too familiar to you. Not fresh anymore. I'm talking to myself too. It's not over. Not by far. Shifts change at department stores. During this time of Transition, youve gotta wait for the new cashier to check in while the old cashier changes the money drawer, gets their
belongings, and leaves. Its a whole thing. No different in life. Go sit down until the shift changes. There's a new season and advancement that comes after transition. Perfect time to take a nap!
Baby Me.
Photo Credit : Jan Giaccoppo Photography
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